Bedroom ninja

Hello! I'm back!

After a mini break away from the waffle cake, I have returned bright eyed and bushy tailed with so much I want to talk about.

Today I'm blogging from my bathroom, with only a towel and bog roll for company, praying nobody notices I'm here. This is not how I pictured my Saturday morning.

I figured I'd have a nice lay in, followed by a spot of sping cleaning ( belongings excavation is slightly more accurate). Maybe listen to 6 music while I still have the chance, you know Saturday morning type things.

But no. I'm stuck in the bathroom, cowering at every footstep. Why, I hear you cry with untold anticipation? Well I'm glad you asked, otherwise I would have feared this story has become tedius.

The reason I'm hiding out naked in my bathroom is because of virgin media. (insert generic "baddie" sound effect here)

I received a text message yesterday saying that an engineer would be coming to my property tomorrow and to text a certain number if this was inconvinent. As far as I can see, all my virgin equipment works the way I require it to, therefore having an engineer turn up at my house to tell me that it works is not only inconvinent, but rather patronising. I text the number shown to say that I had not been told about any need for an engineer to visit, and that Saturday wasn't very convinent.

I remembered I had been sent a letter from virgin which I innocently assumed would solve the mystery. Sadly, on opening the letter, it appeared thar they just wanted to enquire into my current mobile provider.

I then hit a level of paranoia that can only be reached by watching the real hustle followed by 24 and a bucket load of coffee.

"What if the number I text was set up by scamsters to hijack my phone, or to work out if I'm in tomorrow"

This panic lasted for about 3 minutes before I fell asleep and I forgot all about it. Forgotten at least until I was awoken by my door buzzer at 8.30...

This was the point the bedroom ninja deception started. I live in a ground floor studio flat and my curtains do not quite close. First point of weakness. Should the engineer peer through the window, there is a chance I could be spotted. I instantly shot into the corner of the room that i could not be seen, my heart bounding.

Then my phone started to buzz. I left it, expecting the engineer to leave a message and get the hint. "look engineer man, I've only had about 10 hours sleep in 3 days! My virgin tech works, leave me be in my filth pit"

No such luck... My phone and door buzzer went again, almost simultaniously, and I continued to hold my statue like pose in the corner of the room. Unfortunately it was at this point I realised I was desperate for the toilet.

I realised I had to hold it in as if I moved from this spot, the whole operation would be blown. I heard the front door open. One of my own flat minions had been taken in by the evil engineer. He brought the engineer inside and to my internal door. I was trapped. They hand knocked on my door. I thought it was all over. I was about to hand myself in, when the flat minion had a crisis of concience. "doesn't look like she is in. She might be staying at her boyfriends" After wiping a lonely tear from my eye, I realised the minion has saved me from the ridicule sharing my nakedness and hovel with 2 strangers.

A wave of relief started to flow through me, until I heard *bleep bleep bleep* outside my window. In hindsight i think it was an device to detect my phone line, but I had convinced myself the engineer had brought a vicky detector electonic device and was using it outside my window. This level of stress was doing nothing positive for my bladder needs. I thought he might be checking to see if any of my virgin products were in use. I even turned my phone wifi off just incase.

I had to take the risk. I crawled along the floor, grabbed a towel and quietly opened my door. I had suspicions that the minion in my flat may sell me out if he heard my door go, so I was as stealthy an overweight tired nude can be. I sneaked into the bathroom, where this story started.

I heard my home phone start to ring. I was aware that the engineer was leaving a message but I was unable to decipher it through the bathroom wall.

10 mins later when I plucked up the courage to sneek back into my flat, I creeped over to my answer phone, turned the volume to as quiet as possible to see what taunting jibes he left me.

Apparently he was leaving me a courtesey call to say that the fault with my phone line has been resolved. Could he not have just tried calling it in the first place?



- Posted using BlogPress from my iWaffle